我的CommonApp Essay

Jun 19, 2009
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[i=s] 本帖最后由 若虚堂主 于 2010-6-6 02:31 AM 编辑 [/i]

先自我介绍下:)

2014er
RJC
贪玩不用功,挂过几次科,平时成绩很惨烈。。。
SAT reading 710, math 770, writing 680,没到我校平均线。。。
课外活动不算很广泛,但每个我都很认真,国际和国家级的奖都有几个,虽然还是不能和大牛相提并论>.<
因为我成绩差,和老师关系也不是很亲,所以recommendations应该也不会很outstanding(我们学校严禁学生看到老师的推荐信,所以我也不确定)

因为平时成绩太可怕,我咨询过的counselors都觉得我基本没戏。但最后我的essay挽救了自己,申了8所学校录了6所,不算很好,但我已经非常满足了(原本以为自己会全聚德的)>.< 下面就是我的commonapp main essay,现在回头读觉得好傻啊xD,但是F&M的Penny在一封私下的email里还说她simply loved my essay(Penny真是大好人~~~),而且我用common app申的四所全中(Brandeis, Rochester, F&M, BU),所以应该还不错吧:p

喜欢就请捧场,不喜欢就权当反面教材吧。呵呵~


1.2.3 Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.


When I decided to write about Karolina Kurkova, a Czech supermodel, I knew that I ran the risk of being perceived as a star-struck pop culture junkie. But sorry guys - you thought wrong. I do not admire her perfectly proportioned body, nor do I envy her lifestyle as a celebrity. I just want to thank KK (Kurkova’s nickname) for helping me learn to walk.

“What? A nineteen-year-old girl can’t walk? You must be kidding!” I bet this was your reaction.

Well, I have no physical disability and can move around freely with two sturdy legs. However, I had, for three years, been frequently scoffed at by a mean classmate for my awkward posture. Unfortunately, the more I feared how she might make fun of me, the more timid I became and thus the more restrained were my movements. In short, my posture could be summed up by one of her remarks: “You walk like a robot.”

Not ready to accept the ridicule, I decided to take notes from supermodels and happened to click on one of KK’s videos.

Whoa! Look at how she totally commanded the runway! Her strong presence instantly shifted all the attention on her; her smile shone with every effortlessly confident strut; her firm gaze took everyone’s breath away.

Excited and motivated, I tried my best to recall her smiles, poses, and moves. Then, walking towards a mirror, I enthusiastically anticipated a KK copycat from the other side of the glass.

Blah! It was still the same robot.

Dejected, I stared into the mirror and could see nothing but flaws: “How could I, barely 5’ 2’’, ever look like KK who is 5’ 11’’? How could I, with fat around my waist, ever have her strut? How could l, short-sighted, ever possess a haunting gaze like hers?”

For a while, the bitterness of disappointment almost overwhelmed me. Nevertheless, still curious about the secret to KK’s walk, I continued watching her videos and was surprised by one interview of hers.

The reporter asked: “What is one part of your body that you don’t like?”

“That’s an interesting question.” I thought to myself and wondered what KK would reply. Personally, I did notice that her nose looked a little, well, weird. Also, some people on the Internet did not like that she had no belly button. Surprisingly, neither was KK’s answer:

“None. I love every part of my body.”

“Really?” The reporter looked equally stunned as I was.

“Yes. Especially for a model, you really need confidence to able to strut and stride. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say ‘Wow, I look amazing!’ I’ve seen too many girls who want to fit into size zero or look like someone else. It’s such a pity that they can’t see how beautiful they are in their unique ways. Remember, just love yourself and every part of you will look its best.”

Didn’t I just criticize my own image in the mirror? Wasn’t I one of those girls who do not treasure themselves for who they are? KK’s reply was instantaneously awakening.

Sure, my walking posture was never perfect, but so was that for most of the ordinary folks. Strangely, few seemed as bothered as I was.

Maybe that was the root problem.

Chewing on KK’s words, I looked into the mirror again and, instead of seeing the same girl who was short, bespectacled and diffident, I found a well-proportioned and bright-faced young woman calmly smiling back. Startled, I could not help moving towards the mirror once more. While no one was around to instruct me to straighten my back, loosen my shoulders or lift up my chin, they all came like innate abilities as I finally saw that young woman in the mirror walking gracefully towards me.

The magical moment stunned me and reminded me of things other than walking that I was previously uncomfortable with – how I panicked onstage though people said I was a good singer; how I feared physical education tests while I was being complimented for improvement in running; and how I did not think that I could handle an independent research even after one of my research study was graded an A. Indeed, never was I incompetent, but I just lacked one thing – confidence.

Expecting tips on swinging my arms or positioning my legs from KK, I instead learned from her an attitude to carry myself in life. Now filled with confidence, not only do I walk much more naturally, but I have also become more spirited in everything I do - overcoming stage fright with several solo performances, challenging myself physically with intensive martial arts training and conducting an award-winning project on urban heat island effect. A friend of mine wondered how I have changed, and I just laughed and told her: “Next time you pass by a mirror, be sure to say: ‘Hey, my walk is amazing!’” She walked away confused. I smiled to myself and muttered: “Thank you, KK!”


最终我决定去U of Rochester,因为个人感觉最fit,而且他们还慷慨地给了我一个International Student Scholarship,这可是最初被打击惯了的我所不敢想的啊>.<

最后一句话:平时成绩不够好的同学们别泄气!我们这类人的确是have a slimmer chance,但并不表示我们没有希望!端正心态,坚持信念,做好现在还能去improve的每一件事情,最终offer自会功夫不负有心人的!All the best! =)
 
Oct 29, 2009
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国际和国家级的奖都有几个
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麻烦楼主介绍一下,什么样的奖算国际级的?谢谢!